ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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