Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
