I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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