How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
