Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
