I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
