I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
