i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
my sisters under your porch take her home
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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