i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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