I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
so that wasnt chicken after all
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
