i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I have already put on my inside pants.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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