Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
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