beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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