If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
