it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
