I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
