I looked at my own cervix.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
