imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
