so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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