If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
