Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
