she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
