If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
