told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
