I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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