im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
