Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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