I could have mohawked her pubes.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
