Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
