Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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