We're like a lot better than the average bears
are you so shy because you have an std?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
