Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
