you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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