The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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