I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
