eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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