i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
