I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
