He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
