It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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