Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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