Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
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