i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
