Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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