i'm signing you up for texting rehab
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
