Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
