The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
