Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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