I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
