Having a random hookup so left but love u
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
