Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
